If you want to do my marriage then arrange marriage with boy only

My parents arranged a marriage proposal discussion with the bride’s family just a day before my postgraduation academic project submission. I was shocked and had no words. Later I explained to my parents that I was not ready to think about marriage at the age of 23. But my parents didn’t listen to me. They had decided to do my marriage with that girl only. They were trying to convince me but not listening to me. They did not care about my opinion.

I know I am different and have doubt about my sexuality. With lot of family pressure I said ok. But I was thinking inside how to get clarity about my sexuality. I feared that more problems will happen in family if I am unfit for marriage. I thought to commit suicide. But I felt that was not a good decision. After one month of struggle I decided to tell my parents about my problem. But they were not giving me any chance to discuss my problem.

I went Hyderabad to learn a course but could not concentrate. I didn’t find any chance to escape from marriage. To find more about my sexual orientation, I started remembering my childhood. I felt myself as a girl in my childhood. I surprised number of times when I saw my photos in school functions that “is this my photo?” My neighbours and relatives also commented on me often “God created you wrongly as boy”. In the childhood I didn’t know the difference between girls and boys exactly. I would like to wear girls’ dress when I saw girls’ traditional dresses.

My mother expected girl baby when I born. But that didn’t happen, instead a boy (me) was born. My mother was fine with my feminine behaviour in childhood. Boys in school, tuition and society started calling me as “.5, two in one, feminine” I felt sad and had a thought of ending my life. Sometimes I felt that if I change as girl with operation then no will tease me. But I didn’t have courage to discuss this with my parents.

 Time changed things. I concentrated on my studies. I was getting attracted to boys. My voice sounds bit feminine. My classmates and seniors in college never stopped teasing and commenting. My self-confidence was crushed, and the bullying really hurt. Sometimes I was depressed and stressed. I was unable to concentrate on my studies with stress, depression and loneliness. I completed my undergraduate. My physical appearance changed to perfect man, with moustache and beard. I was ok with my body.

I decided to complete my PG studies. I thought to meet a good doctor and psychologist after I settled in job.

Bride’s family asked my mother to fix the marriage date. Luckily, my marriage was canceled with unexpected family drama. I went home from Hyderabad to stay for some time to set my mind right. My happiness was no longer with me. I came to know that my father had another marriage proposal in his mind. I could not attend interviews with depression and stress. Financial problems added fuel to my mental stress. I could not concentrate on the job search. I was facing a lot of problems at home also. I struggled a lot. I started thinking “is there any wrong in my upbringing or any problem in the body, in my psychology or in family relations”. I feared the social stigma, my parents’ reputation, and about my future.

I came to know about Planet Romeo (PR) in 2012. I discussed my sexual orientation with guys whom I met through PR. Most of the guys told that they will marry a girl. I know that I don’t get attracted to girls. Finally, I came to know myself that there is nothing wrong with my sexual orientation. I accepted my sexual orientation. Later I decided to marry a boy. I thought then only my parents would understand me.

I searched in google for gay matrimonial. Later I found one bureau. I gone through that website. Then I came to know about LGBT word. I read more about LGBT in internet. Without lot of fear I decided to come out to my parents. I bought my mother to a temple on Sunday and I came out to her. She was shocked. Next day early morning she asked me “If you don’t get married society will tease you as hijra”. I didn’t care for her words because I have been facing that discrimination since my childhood. But she didn’t know that. After two days I came out to my father also. He was silent and shocked when I was explaining about me. He cried.

Later I searched LGBT supporting groups. Finally, I came to know about Orinam and Good As You. Later I came to Bangalore for job. My parents asked me number of times to get married when I went to home. I told them that don’t ask me again and I never marry a girl.

I asked my parents “If you want to do my marriage then arrange marriage with boy only”.

Slowly they stopped asking for marriage.

I am happy being single present. I am searching for monogamous relationship with a good guy. 

Beard & Bras

Part 1

Having been singled out and bullied all my life for being effeminate, while I denied it outright from the very beginning, it took a lot of courage to accept that there does live a woman within me. A woman that yearned to come out and breathe! Breathe in the common air. By the time I accepted the truth about myself out loud, I was standing in front of my girlfriend of two years, and now wife, trying to explain it to her, that a part of me wanted to dress and feel beautiful, beautiful like a woman. I am Beard & Bras and this is my story! I began with Buying inexpensive clothes at throwaway prices from Online stores! And it grew, from a baby doll, to shorts, tops and dresses and finally from online shopping to making that dreaded trip to a real store! My wife meanwhile helped me buy my first sports bra! It was a tad tight but gave me a nice shape! Helped me balance out my otherwise manly curves. I’d dress up with whatever I had at home and click photos, but that was it!

Part 2

It did not feel real, dressing up, clicking pictures of myself and changing back again. I wanted to be seen, stared at, complimented, commented, I wanted to be out, in the same air as you! Dressed up like a woman! I wanted it to feel real! It was the first time I confided into a friend other than my wife. She held my hand figuratively and has been the biggest support ever since. The plan was to attend the Mumbai Pride 2019 dressed up hoping that it would be a safe space to start with, and she was to ease my wife into the idea. As luck would have it that turned out to be a working weekend for me and the big plan got scrapped off even before it began! But that, was the real beginning of it all, finding my two pillars of support, and deciding to go all out there.

Part 3

2 months later I was standing at my first public outing dressed up! Without the confidence to show up all dressed up, I changed at the venue itself. Nothing elaborate, a cutesy pink T-shirt and booty shorts from Hill Road, Bandra. But back then, that outfit was me. Stating the rebellion of my soul finally breaking out from the shackles of what was considered normal! My overexcited ass had brought me to the venue about half an hour too early, and in that gap, I was the happy eye candy for the serving staff there. A Five month old beard and those booty shorts together, I never intended to pass off as a girl, I wanted to love myself exactly how I saw myself, dressed up like a pretty girl but no wigs and no makeup. Probably a confluence of both my selves.

Part 4

Image representational

It was ecstatic! My first ever LGBTQ+ party in Bandra, and I couldn’t stop taking pictures of myself, drinking, and dancing like no tomorrow! My first ever Interaction with the world outside, the wonderful accepting non-judgemental world outside, as my true self! For almost the entire evening, I hogged the full-length mirror at the bar! I still remember the compliments I got, how freely I danced all alone for the first time ever in my life! I was out there and happy.

There isn’t the kind of acceptance that was expected

Abhishek Koli

Though I was sexually attracted to men since the age of 12 (6th std) I never quite accepted it completely at a personal level till the age of 26 (year 2007). This was the time when I worked from 6 pm to 2 am and reached home in the wee hours of morning, having nothing to do but surf the internet. This was also the time when we had a laptop and the Internet connectivity at home for the 1st time. I started watching gay porn then and created a pseudo profile to register on Gaydia and Planet Romeo. I was totally unaware about the concept of internet history or the incognito mode; and that is what accidentally outed me to my elder brother while he used the laptop during the day.

 My brother then outed me to one of my aunts who was more like a sister to us. I received an email from my aunt on this pseudo profile which shocked me. Then sighting an opportunity, I was led to our terrace where I first time came out to a family member. Soon, two Marathi movies, (Natrang & Jogva) slightly bordering on queer issues released. After my family watched both these movies, I considered it as the correct opportunity and came out to the rest of my family.

All hell broke loose with comments such as “what could be the cause?”, “How could you do this to us?”, “Was there a fault in our upbringing?”, “What if others come to know about?”, Etc. What followed then was a series of appointments with psychiatrists, counsellors, etc even astrologers and past life regressors. Thankfully most of them gave a positive verdict. Yet, things weren’t simple. An emotional melodrama continued. This was followed by a series of restrictions and surveillances, trying to find out whether I was dating somebody or whether I was watching gay explicit material on the internet, etc. Then questions about which of my friends were gay and questions about the reputation of the family (खानदान कि इज्जत) and finally marriage to a woman. I strongly objected to this and even said that yes! I will get married if I find a guy worthy enough.

More than 12 years have passed now. I stayed strong and didn’t budge under the pressure. Currently, there is a weird status-quo. Now they’ve understood that I’m never going to agree to their proposals and therefore they’ve stopped asking. But unfortunately, there isn’t the kind of acceptance that was expected. Things haven’t been bad but haven’t improved as well.

I felt that I was a girl inside.


I glanced at my phone. It was 5’o clock in the morning. I kept on lying in bed, with no sign and hope of any sleep. I had not slept all night. 5:30, 5:45, 6:00, 6:15. The stubborn minute hand just refused to move when you wanted it the most. 7’o clock. Finally! Time for my room mate to leave for his exams. Neither of us knew that we won’t be seeing each other for at least a year. Phew! Alone in the room at last.

I glanced at my ravaged left arm. I had been wearing full sleeved t shirts for the past 2 weeks. My room mate had not noticed the anomaly. I don’t remember exactly when and how the blade had become my best friend. I had started depending on my new friend to help me forget all my sorrow, by hurting myself; the irony.

Today was the day. The day of Judgement. There was a chance that I would be accepted wholeheartedly, there was also the slim chance that my parents wouldn’t understand what I was going through and would just claim that I was being silly. The first scenario was an ideal one, the second; not so much.

The hostel was not the right place to come out to my parents. I packed my bags and left for the hotel. The room was already booked. The stage was set. The drama that was to ensue was not for the fainthearted. The clock ticked, and I slowly drifted off to sleep. There was a knock on the door. Had I imagined it? Had I made a mistake by calling my parents all this way to tell something that could potentially destroy them emotionally? I walked to the door timidly, and slowly opened the door. Two faces stared at me, faces that I knew so well, and yet didn’t recognise at all. Two extremely worried faces. My parents’ faces.

We sat on the bed, my mother immediately noticed my arm and started crying uncontrollably. I had never seen her so helpless, so sad in my entire life. It dawned on me that I had definitely made a mistake by calling them here. I should have planned this through. I shouldn’t have made friends with the blade, I shouldn’t have cut myself, so many regrets, so many thoughts, so little time! Finally, my father consoled my mother and we began to talk. I was lying down, with my head on my mother’s lap.

I told them that I felt that I was a girl inside.

I confessed that I had been feeling this way ever since I was 12 years old. I could see the shock on their faces, I could feel the shame burning inside me. But brave as my parents are, they still kept on consoling me, and told me that everything was alright and that they loved me no matter what. A lot of tears were shed during those 60 minutes. And suddenly, everything was back to normal. We were again the family we always were, with our silly jokes. Everything was like the good old days, there was just one difference, at that moment, I felt happy, really happy with all my heart. I felt relieved because an immense burden had been lifted off my chest. We talked a lot that day, I don’t remember us ever being more united as a family than on that particular day.

I just want to tell everyone who is struggling to come out to their parents to learn from the mistakes I made. I also want to tell all of you that parents are a different breed of people. They may sometimes seem distant, but believe me when I say this that they are the most understanding people in the world, and they will accept you for who you are without any qualms.

So don’t worry, come out of that closet you have been hiding in all those years, because people, especially parents in general are good.

Is your workplace ready to welcome LGBTI millenials?

Is your workplace ready to welcome LGBTI millennials?

Hear from K, the newest member of team RISE.

I was sixteen when I first came to the realization that I am genderfluid.

I can still remember the moment–it was early morning, the sun hadn’t risen yet, and the stars were twinkling over the coconut grove outside my window. As I came to the conclusion, a strange sense of relief settled on me. Like the final piece of the puzzle had fit into place.

This sudden lightness, however, lasted only a few days—I had to come out to my family and everyone I cared about—but those details are for another time. Along with the confusion and indecision that accompanied coming out, was the question, “will I ever get a job now?”.

At the time, I was afraid that the answer would be “no”. But as months passed, as I interacted more with communities and people online, I learned of individuals and organization that are making it possible for people from all sections of society to engage in meaningful, dignified employment. 
But enough with laying down the context—let’s get to the matter at hand. A few days ago, I contacted the founders of one such organization, called Pride Circle, looking for volunteering opportunities. They asked me for my perspective on an inclusive workplace.

Before I launch into that, however, I must make it clear that I cannot, and do not presume to speak on behalf of the Transgender community. We are all different, our ideas and views molded by our experiences, just like anyone else. That said, I will try to remain as neutral as possible.

The first thing that comes to mind at the mention of an inclusive workplace for trans people is the need for respect. Many cis people assume that it is acceptable to ask us questions they would never dream of asking other cis people. While I understand that they may be innocently curious, invasive personal questions can make trans people uncomfortable, especially in an office setting. Save your queries for a non-professional setting, if you must.

Secondly, in an ideal world, washrooms would not be gendered. I know that this would be nearly impossible to implement, but nonbinary people are often left in a lurch because washrooms are either male or female. Similarly, forms are often marked with only two options in the gender section. 

Parental leave, when having a baby, is another issue that becomes a bit complicated when viewed from the trans angle. for instance, some trans men do opt to bear babies. They should have adequate leave to recover and care for the child, just like cis women.

Health insurance is also fairly black-and-white, although that is now changing. Some cis people say that we should mark the gender assigned at birth, because that’s how our bodies function, but it’s not that easy. Trans bodies are different and medical care should be inclusive of that.
Another of my pet nightmares is the scenario in which a trans person makes a mistake at work, as all people are wont to, and suddenly, all trans people are written off as the same. That’s unfair, in simple terms. It also makes work so much more stressful. 

Often, it’s the small things that add up, that make work and interaction in general difficult. I believe in the adage ‘live and let live’. Don’t let your biases and prejudices make life uncomfortable for someone else. Just respect other people, its as simple as that.

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to inclusive workplaces, but times are most definitely changing, so the future looks very bright and promising.

#genderfluid #workplace #inclusion #trans #millenial

#RiseAndGrow #Jobs #jobfair #recruit

Join the inclusion revolution, upload your resume here : https://resume.thepridecircle.com/


Myra currently works as a technical colleague in Operation Theater in a major hospital in Hyderabad. Myra, who originally belongs to Nagpur, was born a boy, Vikram. As a transgender woman she faced a lot of bitter and hurtful experiences growing up.  But thankfully there was a difference in the case of her mother, who understood her child and was supportive of her.

Due to the society around she advised Myra to move away from home to a different location, where she could pursue her interest in education. She was advised by her mother to do whatever she loved.

For Myra it was a question of what to do after studying for up to 12th standard. She then did a BA in Psychology at CP and Berar College. By nature, Myra, is caring and kind, she is always ready to help at home, the neighbors and friends, this turned her to the medical care of people, this seemed comfortable to the take care of sick & ailing patients.  While doing her Operation Theater Technical Assistant course, she made a good impression on the teacher who was impressed by her personality. Looking at her, the teacher advised her to do her nursing course and hence Myra moved to Bangalore. In 2018, after completing a three year nursing course, struggled to find work and was at the receiving end of discrimination because of her gender identity. Myra finally got the opportunity to work in a major hospital in Hyderabad.

The hospital has also given a house to stay and has provided transport facilities.

Myra has become the first transgender woman nurse & technician working in the Operation Theater
in India .

Myra is are very satisfied and happy working in the field of nursing.  For her it is an area where there is respect, service and friendship; it is a dream come true for her.

Being a transwoman has nothing to do with her professional field. When she is working, she is just a responsible nurse there. A transgender person’s life is not just limited to singing songs & giving blessings or begging, the world is changing, the society is changing too. And it is time that as transgender people we change too. New paths of the new world are here to take us to our dreams.

A dream of becoming a nurse is complete. Her second dream is of a good partner.