Soumitri

My first touch with homosexuality was when I was 12 years old, by a new student who just joined my class. His touch felt something different, sitting in the back bench of our class, the touch got engrossed every day. I was a child unware of the facts and fictions. I was a child who was bullied every single day for my name, for my postures, for who I am. I belong to a small city called Bhubaneswar, the so called Temple City.

I was born to a middle class Brahmin family in one of the holy place or dham according to Hindu mythology that is Puri where Lord Shri Jagannatha resides, the 10th incarnation of Lord Vishnu. I was admitted to a central government school, where students from all over the India with different religion, caste and race studied together. I was a care-free, cheerful and happy student all the time, regardless of what I was facing every day. I am Soumitri, rare and unique in my own way. But not to everyone, for the past 13 years I was bullied and eve teased for my name as its sounds like a female name. I was named swamistri ( Husband & wife ) , Chakka ( Transgender ) and the list goes on . I was effeminate and used to talk very politely so was again bullied. For a small child like me, it was just unbearable, I used to complain to my teachers, and to my surprise they said it was my fault and you know in India Teachers are God so, I thought ya it was mine, I tried hard, very hard to change myself because I was tired of crying and moaning every night for what I was going through. You must be thinking , why didn’t I complain to my parents , as I said I am a middle class student , so my parents main concern was to get me educated. And due to which I never got into any fights or raise voice because I have this constant fear that if my parents come to know about it, even though I won’t be guilty, but still I will be beaten up. Studying in a government school, I got to knew that how rapidly a rumor can spread and how easily the students start believing in that. After the summer vacation I was in 7th standard and there was this tall , lean , fair guy whom I was seeing for the 1st time in my class , for the 1st time I was dumbstruck seeing this guy . I remember the movie ” Tare Zameen Par ” and my school screened that movie for us in our school , I was sitting in the ground and to my surprise this new guy was also sitting at the back , I was completely into the movie when , I literally cried and he hugged me and said its ok and asked if I can join him to the washroom and I said a yes , we went and nobody was there and he suddenly kissed me , I was kissing a guy for the 1st time and started liking it more . Few days passed and I got to hear that I tried kissing him and the rumor spread like virus and it became my worst nightmare. Nature helped me a lot to get through all these, it gave me strength and power to stand still and face this bloody world. I soon passed my 10th, chose biology and my experiment with boys started with fake profile in Facebook, then PR and later on Grindr. 3 years passed and I came to Chennai for my UG studies, while I was in my 1st year, I used to stay in hostel and that too boys hostel. Later on I got to understand that am GAY , but still used to blame God and used to ask why me and used to cry a lot for that .

Then when after lot of studies and realization. It took me hell lot of time to accept myself as GAY, because I was left alone and scared to talk about it. It was the last few months left to complete when I came out to one of my classmate and he supported me, like for the 1st time I accepted myself in front of other and was smiling for what I am. Then in second year of my college I came out to my only roommate and again he accepted the way I am, he is straight and till now we share a single bed and he even helps me in dating, dressing up, flirting and lot more. Then that particular year I came to all my dearest friends and they all accepted the fact, I didn’t even loose a single one of them. Then I entered into third year of my college and thought that this year I will come out of my closet to my parents, but kind of scared so dropped the plan. But on November 12 , suddenly I came out to my parents with no preparation , no advance planning and they accepted me and advised me to focus on my career , soon I came out to whole world . I am the only openly, out and proud GAY in my college, some accepts me and some don’t. Though my relatives doesn’t know about it but then I think one day they will also understand because love is never wrong. And currently continuing my 3rd year and probably searching for my true partner.